Are You Being Abused?
Does the person you love . . . .
• Threaten to hurt you or your children?, Throw you down, push, hit, choke, kick, or slap you?
• Say it’s your fault if he or she hits you, then promises it won’t happen again (but it does)?
• Put you down in public or keep you from contacting family or friends?
• Force you to have sex when you don’t want to?
Just one “yes” answer means you’re involved in an abusive relationship. If so, you’re not alone and you have choices.
No one deserves to be abused.
Some Signals of Increasing Danger
• Obsession over you; the abuser says, “I can’t live without you.”, Threats to kill you, your children, or your relatives
• Depression and talk of suicide, Possession of weapons or threats to use them
• Kidnapping attempts on your or your children, Fantasies of homicide or suicide
• Increased violence or severe incidents of abuse, Increased use of drugs or alcohol
• Unpredictable changes in behavior
Planning For Your Safety
Making a decision to leave an abusive relationship can be very difficult. It may take time for you to feel ready. When you feel ready you can call SAFE HAVEN; we can help you with a safety plan. If you are ready to leave:
• Keep change for phone calls with you at all times
• Open your own savings account
• Rehearse escape plan with children, Review emergency plan weekly
• Pack a bag, in advance, and leave it at a friend’s or neighbor’s house. Include cash or credit cards and extra clothes for you and your children. Take a favorite toy, plaything or blanket for your child, Items of sentimental value
• Hide an extra set of car and house keys outside of your house in case you have to leave quickly
• Take important papers, such as:
- birth certificates and social security cards for you and your children
- health insurance card and medicine, prescription in case you leave without medicines
- a deed or lease to your house or apartment, current unpaid bills
- a checkbook and extra checks, ATM card, pay stubs
- any court papers or orders such as divorce papers or restraining order
- a driver’s license or photo ID, car title
Talking to someone about your abuse isn’t easy, but it can help. When you’re ready, we’re here to listen.
Family Violence Affects Us All
Millions of women are physically, sexually, or emotionally abused every year by someone they know and love – their husband or partner. Any woman may be abused. It happens to women of all ages, races, religions, all income and education levels, and all sexual orientations. Abuse is never acceptable. Women don’t “ask for it” and it’s not caused by alcohol, drugs, financial pressure, depression, or jealousy. Abuse can begin – or get worse – when you’re pregnant.
You can take the first step toward ending abuse by calling us for help.
Safety of Children
As violence increases toward you around the time of leaving, it will also increase toward the children. The risk of abduction, suicide and homicide increases. Teach your children:
When the Relationship is Over
• I will make my home safe and secure. This may involve installing a security system, smoke detectors, and outside lighting.
• I will change locks and reinforce doors.
• I will tell my neighbors that my partner no longer resides with me and to call the police if he is seen near my residence.
• I will tell teachers, child care providers, and family members who does and does not have permission to pick up my children.
• I will tell my supervisor about my situation, ask that my calls be screened and that no information be given out about me.
• I will avoid places and social situations where my abuser could find me
• I can get a restraining order by calling the local courthouse.
• I will keep a copy of my restraining order with me at all times. The local Police Department will also have a copy.
• If I decide I need support to stay out of the abusive relationship, I can call SAFE HAVEN or attend a support group. |