Children from violent homes may exhibit some of these behaviors. Remember that every child has different coping mechanisms and will react differently to the violence. The following is a list of commonly identified feelings and behaviors of children in a shelter for battered women. These behaviors may also be seen in families caught in the Cycle of Violence.
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| Feeling: |
FEAR |
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Of violence, of abusive parent (sometimes generalized to all gender specific individuals), of abandonment, of nighttime or when violence occurred, trauma of upheaval and loss familiar |
| Behavior: |
Withdrawal of exaggerated attention‑getting, negative reactions to gender specific individuals, distant and preoccupied, can't concentrate, separation anxiety, bedtime fears, nightmares, school phobia |
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| Feeling: |
ANGER |
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At abusive parent, at other parent for not being able to stop the violence, at self for not being able to protect the abused parent. |
| Behavior: |
Acting‑out, aggression, swearing, age‑inappropriate temper tantrums |
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| Feeling: |
GUILT |
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Feels responsible for violence, for being "disloyal" to father/family, for having negative feelings about one or both parents (message from church society, that you must love parents) |
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| Behavior: |
Self‑fulfilling prophecy: belief "I'm bad" leads to acting out, leads to punishment, reinforces belief, loss of motivation in school |
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| Feeling: |
CONFUSION |
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Who's responsible for care giving? Conflict over feelings toward parents, unpredictable reactions from adults who the child is unable to trust, belief that relationships = violence |
| Behavior: |
Role reversal takes on parent's responsibilities or begins mothering the abused parent, ambivalent behavior, loving/angry, will test adults, difficulty in forming equal relationships because of a confused belief system about roles |
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| Feeling: |
POWERLESSNESS |
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At not being able to "fix" family |
| Behavior: |
Helpless, apathetic attitude, won't try anything new, gives up easily, passive |
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| Feeling: |
SHAME |
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For being part of a defective family |
| Behavior: |
Withdraws from peers, maintains distance from others so no one discovers violence |
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